| Constructive Criticism [message #164937] |
Sun, 31 July 2005 15:27  |
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http://www.theoriginalmrbob.com/Research.pdf
This is my research paper for English class. It's a thesis-driven paper based on Star Wars: A New Hope. It's only 5-6 pages long (Short for a college paper and longest one so far, I'm lucky), but that's what the teacher wanted. They're only four assertions, but I think it'll work out. I worked hard to make it all connect. I'm really into the subject of the paper, so I'd like to post it on my (we)blog once I turn it in.
I'm asking for input here, especially from people like Java and Warranto.
Thanks 
God is the "0wnage". Plain and Simple.
Visit http://www.theoriginalmrbob.com
"If there's one freak to be, it's a Jesus freak"
All your base are belong to us.
[Updated on: Sun, 31 July 2005 17:14] Report message to a moderator |
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| Re: Constructive Criticism [message #164939 is a reply to message #164937] |
Sun, 31 July 2005 16:26  |
msgtpain
Messages: 663
Registered: March 2003
Location: Montana
Karma: 0
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Colonel |
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MrBob, are you supposed to be using APA or MLA format? Most of it reads well, I found a few sentences which didn't flow well or where I would have added a comma, etc.; but not too many. Go through and remove all the contractions, it is instead of it's, they are instead of they're.. not supposed to use them in formal writing. If you post a .doc, I'm sure we could proof it for you.
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| Re: Constructive Criticism [message #164953 is a reply to message #164937] |
Sun, 31 July 2005 18:51 |
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warranto
Messages: 2584
Registered: February 2003
Location: Alberta, Canada
Karma: 0
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General (2 Stars) |
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Brief note: the last 2 links are a 404, so I'm basing this on what is written in the first post.
Overall, it's an interesting piece. I do think that instead of speaking primarily from a Star Wars perspective, you should bring in other sources that support your ideas. I forget who said it, but one philosopher I THINK it was Kant, but I'm not sure) stated that in order to grow, we must first experience pain. Siting examples such as birth (the doctor makes us cry, so that we may learn to breathe) and love. This fits in well with your statement: "In order to "find" one's life and destiny, the current life must be "lost" or forsaken."
Don't forget that in the "destiny" of it all, Luke did, in fact, join the dark side for a short period of time (Star Wars ep. 6). As well, Darth Vader did eventually forsake his master, and rejoined the light side, sacrificing himself in the process (ep. 6 as well). With the release of ep. 3, you could also bring in the similarities as to how Anakin sided with the dark side, and how Luke experienced the exact same thing later on (Duel with the current Darth, defeating him, and the emperor stating that he must be killed - though with Luke it was to "complete his transformation"), and what both people decided on, and how Anakin's decision went against what people said his destiny was, that being to "bring balance to the force".
One other point that you may wish to spend some time on is the specifics of the eastern religious philosophies of the "chakra"/"Chi"/etc. and how the disbelief of their existence mimics what people how people feel of the Force.
Then: read this, and see if there is anything that would help 
http://www.geocities.com/warofficr/knowing_knowledge_and_bel ief.doc
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| Re: Constructive Criticism [message #164994 is a reply to message #164937] |
Mon, 01 August 2005 11:13 |
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SuperFlyingEngi
Messages: 1756
Registered: November 2003
Karma: 0
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General (1 Star) |
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wtf no pictures?
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt (1918)
"The danger to political dissent is acute where the Government attempts to act under so vague a concept as the power to protect "domestic security." Given the difficulty of defining the domestic security interest, the danger of abuse in acting to protect that interest becomes apparent. --U.S. Supreme Court decision (407 U.S. 297 (1972)
The Liberal Media At Work
An objective look at media partisanship
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| Re: Constructive Criticism [message #165059 is a reply to message #164937] |
Mon, 01 August 2005 19:41 |
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Again, thanks for your help guys, I really appreciate it.
The teacher looked at it today and gave me some minor corrections. It's due on Wednesday, please bless me.
If any of you need some academic help, I strongly suggest you post it. In fact, maybe Crimson could post a forum for schoolwork. It could help shed much needed light that gamers and computer enthusiasts aren't illiterate nitwads.
Gah, I sound so "intellectual." Make it stop! 
God is the "0wnage". Plain and Simple.
Visit http://www.theoriginalmrbob.com
"If there's one freak to be, it's a Jesus freak"
All your base are belong to us.
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